A Guide for Family Living

In the following paragraphs you will find ten basic steps which can help you to reach a better understanding of the members of your family group. Study these suggestions carefully to find the areas in which you need to put forth greater effort.

1. Plan to talk about your problems with your family. Try to develop the habit of discussing problems, not quarreling about them, with various mem­bers of the family. It is especially good to develop the habit of talking with your parents about your relationships with them and the rest of your family.

2. Learn to listen to the explanations of other members of the family. Remember that it is good for you to learn to express your feelings, but it is also good for other members of the family to do the same. You must be willing to listen to their viewpoints about family problems. This may take some extra effort on your part.

3. Give in some of the time in family disagreements. When you disagree with any member of the family, you should be willing to give in part of the time. Remember that there are not very many times when it is really important to "take a stand." Avoid petty disagreements.

4. Keep doing thoughtful services for your family. Learn to do things for all members of your family. These do not need to be big things. They can be little, thoughtful services. The impor­tant thing is that you continue to do these considerate things for each one in your family.

5. Try to stay out of conflicts. If family quarrels and conflicts do develop, you can help to calm people’s emotions. One way to help keep quar­reling to a minimum among your brothers and sisters is to stay out of any quarrel that doesn’t involve you. In this way you aren’t adding more heated words to an already hot argu­ment.

Another way you can help reduce tension and quarreling is to avoid arguing with your parents when they ask you to do something you would rather not do. Even if you are angry about their decision, you can leave the room without letting your anger show. When you have "cooled off" you may be able to reach a compromise on the point in disagreement. In a case like that, your self-control would have pre­vented a quarrel.

6. Inform your family of your ac­tivities. Often you do things that in­terest someone or everyone in your family. Even if you do not think they would be interested, try telling your parents and your brothers and sisters about the things you have done at school. When your family becomes in­volved in your activities, your life be­comes more interesting and so does theirs.

Try This
The next time you are active in a school function that is open to the public, take your family and explain all the interesting details of your contribution.

7. Plan to do as many things as you can with your family. Not only should you tell people about your own activ­ities, but you can lead the family to join in many activities. You can plan many activities yourself. Games and sports are a great deal of fun for the family. Perhaps everyone would enjoy a camping trip or a day at a fair or an amusement park. Use your imag­ination to think up things that every­one will enjoy. It is safe to say that the more things your family does together, the more fun all the members will have.

8. Make a special point of having pleasant mealtimes with your family. Mealtimes with your family can be some of the happiest times in your family relationship.  Avoiding ten­sions and quarrels while eating is good for both mental and physical health. Try your best to compliment your mother for meals that you especially like.

9. Be more liberal in your praise and recognition of different members of your family. Everyone likes to be told that he has done something well. This is just as true of you as it is of everyone else in your family. Try your best to see the good things; praise the person responsible. If you are genuine in your praise, you will find that your praise is contagious. Other family members will begin praising your ac­tivities, too.

10. Make a special point of getting along better with your brothers and sisters. Quarrels between brothers and sisters can make family living un­pleasant.

However, many quarrels can be avoided. Many times, quarrels be­tween brothers and sisters arise for unimportant reasons. Something one person does may irritate his brother. Perhaps a game or toy is in dispute.

You can help eliminate quarrels in your family by exercising self-control and patience when someone irritates you. You will find that a little self-control brings great rewards to your family. The families that have learned to cope with their problems have used most of the suggestions given in this section. These suggestions should be useful for you and your family, too.

Your Family and Your Personality

Consideration. There are times in everyone’s life when he realizes that someone in his family is very consider­ate of him. When this happens to you, what do you do about it? You might stop and wonder whether you have done as much to help your mother, father, or brother. It is wise to remind yourself that everyone in your family wants to be treated the way you do. Their feelings are like yours and they need the same kindness and under­standing you need. You can see the wisdom in treating people with the same consideration you would like from them.

Growing with your family. During your early teens you are beginning to enjoy new interests and activities. You may find that your interests are changing but that those of your par­ents and brothers and sisters are not.

When these differences become noticeable, you may find that you have to find new ways of understanding the other members of your family. They, in turn, have to find new ways of un­derstanding you.

One of your new interests is prob­ably an increased desire for indepen­dence and self-reliance. Because this feeling of growing independence is a new one, your parents may disagree with some of the responsibilities you want to assume. You should try to have patience and exercise self-control in your attempts to show your inde­pendence.

As you become more and more in­dependent you will find that conflicts are most likely to occur in four areas. They are disagreements over spending money, outside activities and social life, time spent doing schoolwork, and clothes. These disagreements do no one any good and should be eliminated by talking about conflicts and by respect­ing others’ points of view.

Sometimes you can confide in adult friends outside your home. Your teach­ers, your pastor, or a counselor may be
a good person to confide in.

As you talk with your parents and friends about differences of opinion, you will find that you and they will reach a deeper understanding of each other’s wishes and needs. This process helps you to grow up and makes the path of growing up less troublesome than if you walked it alone.